Searching for words

Friends, I agonize over these words... So much has happened.  Our darling girl asked us to remove all pictures and post about her and her brother when we were denied adoption by the judge so I have removed all of my old posts and photos from public view.   If you have been following our story you know that we excitedly boarded a plane to Eastern Europe in March a few months ago.  And three weeks later, with broken hearts, announced to our friends and family that we were unable to adopt our dear girl.  I still struggle daily with this loss.  My heart aches so deeply.  I actually wrote a rather long outline of the story with detailed thoughts and opinions...very candid, every word.  Then I read it and thought it sounded much to whiny to post!  So here is the very short version....

God is still in control! That's it!  He always has been and He always will be.  He must have meant another child for our family instead instead of "nella" and for some reason we had a TON of refining through Fire to do before we would be ready for the child He means for our family.  So, here we go again.  We finally decided to go back to Eastern Europe after so much discussion and so much prayer.  We never doubted that we wanted to continue with an adoption, we just wanted to be sure that we were healthy as a family first.  I'm not sure I'm ever going to be "fully" recovered from losing "nella" and her darling brother but I am sure that God will use those deep, ugly scars to create in me something beautiful... To create a beautiful family.  Praise God from whom all blessings flow......